he is in pain. I can hardly stand it.
I know I have to do it. I called in a
medical helicopter. he won't budge.
he hands the corporal his rifle. if
I fail he dies.

I know what he did. I can't tell him
I know. he aimed. he couldn't, but
he did. he tried again. he pulled the
trigger and moved. a sharp left. he
missed. he fired one shot. into his
mouth.

there are bones, teeth, flesh scattered.
soft wit flesh dripping from his face.
long chunks hanging. oozing pink
and reddish tissue hangs. he missed.
he tried to kill himself.

the corporal is really shook, holding
his hand. if he looks in the mirror he'd
go historical. some tears by his eyes.
this will be the fullest one minute he
will have ever known. he wants to go
home.

they walk him to the helicopter. twenty
years old. he loses his grip, a private
grabs hold of him. he was almost dead.
nothing more to be said. fate will handle
it. army pay tomorrow.

#805/1976 [written 8/16/05]

Note: The author spent eleven years in the Army [l969-l980], seeing many things; this situation being just one (he is a Vietnam Veteran also). Says the author, "Soldiers get under pressure and try to harm themselves to get out of the army, shoot themselves in the stomach, or foot, etc; and sometimes miss. Especially when they are under constant pressure; in this case, it was at a nuclear site in West Germany, in l976, and I was the Sergeant in Charge of the compound during the evening hours of that night; and thus, the suicide (so assumed) did not go as planned for the sufferer."