It was one of the first words you learned to say and you used it at every opportunity. Until someone convinced you that you couldnt, or shouldnt.

Others dont like to hear you say no. Parents/teachers/friends/employers/significant others and even strangers will do whatever they think it takes to get you to do what they want you to do instead of what you want to do.

Why should you? So theyll be happy instead of you? They get to live their life, shouldnt you get to choose how to live yours?

I know, they sound so convincing when they tell you theyre counting on you, they need your help, its your responsibility, if you loved them youd

And theyll keep sounding convincing as long as you let them! Okay, maybe theyve convinced you that what they want you to do is for your own good. Thats not the point. If youre at least 18, youre old enough to decide what you want to do and what you dont. Will you make mistakes? Of course. Everybody does. Thats part of life.

So how can you say no without feeling guilty? If they want you to go into a career you dont want to go into, marry someone you dont like, have children or not, find a close friend, a school counselor or a therapist to help you realize its your choice and not theirs.

If they complain that you dont visit often enough, do what you can and look for ways to let them know youre thinking about them in between visits.

Bosses are notorious for asking their employees to do things they dont want to do. Theyre probably paying you do to some of those things but the trend is to have fewer employees and work them harder and theyll keep pushing until you (kindly but firmly) let them know youve reached your limit. If it doesnt seem appropriate to say no when youre asked to take on one more project, tell the asker youll see how you can fit that in. Then make a list of your current projects, tasks involved and deadlines, and ask which of these tasks you should set aside till you complete the new task. If your boss cant or wont honor your limits you probably need to say no by finding another job.

Spouses, friends and children all (rightly) feel they have certain claim to your time and attention and so the key is to get very clear about what you can and cannot do. On the one hand, you dont want to say no to every request. On the other hand, you cant say yes to all of them because its important that when you do say yes, you deliver.

If youre not certain whether you can say yes, buy yourself some time. If you cant decide on the spot, say that. Say you need time to think about it and tell them when they can expect an answer.

Begin to notice how your body feels when someone asks you to do something. If it tightens up just hearing the request, its trying to tell you something. Chances are very good that if you go ahead and say yes youll regret it, your body will create a host of unhappy chemistry that is harmful to your immune system and that chemistry will be present while youre doing what you didnt want to do.

I know how important it is to say no because I learned the hard way. Even before Oprah named it, I had it the disease to please. The only person I was really good at saying no to was myself.

Then I was diagnosed with breast cancer. When the surgeon said she hadnt gotten clean margins and she needed to do a mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation, I noticed the way my body felt and after much research and introspection, I said no. I went to a naturopath instead.

You dont have to have breast cancer (other cancer, stroke, heart attack, etc.) to learn what I learned. Practice saying no when you mean it and live your own life.