Laurie was upset. On her face, frustration hovered under brimming eyes, her hands waving in distress. I asked her what was wrong. She cleared her throat and said, "JoAnne. I have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore - but I can't do it."

JoAnne was Laurie's constant companion, ever since they met at a friend's house two years ago. They shopped the stores together, had coffee together and talked for hours on the telephone. But JoAnne hardly ever offered the cost of a tank of gas much less something for the insurance and upkeep for Laurie's car and ignored Laurie' birthday without even a token "Happy Birthday". It wasn't poverty that prompted JoAnne's frugality, since she had hundreds of thousands of unused dollars in her bank.

Laurie on the other hand always used her own car, paid for the lunches, and took JoAnne to her doctor and dentist appointments. Only a perfunctory "Thanks" was offered in return. The girls always treated JoAnne to a nice lunch at a fancy hotel on her birthday. JoAnne was once overheard as referring to Laurie as "Just my driver".

JoAnne only thought of JoAnne and this bothered Laurie greatly. One day JoAnne asked Laurie to act as driver for some out-of-town guests JoAnne was to entertain. Laurie was to pick up the guest, show them the sights during the day, then bring them to a fancy restaurant where JoAnne would meet them to celebrate. Laurie was of course invited. When Laurie got home, there was a message on the tape that JoAnne's daughter (the one who didn't want to use her car to sight see) decided to come to the party and would Laurie mind not going? Laurie was hurt and disappointed. Laurie was uninvited.

Another episode further defined JoAnne's attitude. Once when Laurie's car was in the shop, it was suggested by JoAnne's husband that they use their car for the day's shopping. Before JoAnne could stop herself, there came a look of finality on her face as she said. That! is out of the question!."

Observing that this cavalier behavior was seriously affecting Laurie's happiness, my advice to Laurie was to taper off seeing and talking to JoAnne, aiming for a severing of their relationship. But Laurie could never hurt anyone's feelings that way, no matter how deserved. It also made her sad to think of losing a friend.

Finally I convinced Laurie to install a caller ID. on her phone and not answer the usual nine AM call to pick her up for shopping. Soon thereafter, JoAnne planned a three week trip abroad, inviting Laurie to come along to help with the luggage and chores. Laurie said that she couldn't go at that time. On her return, Laurie knew that JoAnne must finally know the truth, that their friendship was over. Still devastated, Laurie could never quite find the courage to tell JoAnne the reason for ending their friendship. It would hurt JoAnne's feelings too much.