In conversations between two or more people, the more the others speak the more interesting and intelligent youll be.

Up to a point. You cant leave the other person in a vacuum while you squirm silently and stare blankly ahead.

Let me rephrase, the less you have to talk to keep up your side of a conversation, the more interesting and intelligent youll be. Unfortunately, saying just enough is an art and a skill that doesnt come naturally to most of us. Here are some guidelines you can follow.

If You Have to Speak

• Make questions the greatest part of your contribution. Asking good questions requires knowledge and understanding of the subject, but not necessarily mastery of the subject. And dont ask questions merely in order to challenge the other persons views and demonstrate your superiority. Take the attitude of a nave investigator. Listen intently and ask follow-up questions. Find areas of agreement and mutual interest, and comment on them.
• When its your turn to contribute, try to state your point in a sentence, and follow with a question.
• When youre invited to tell a story or give your opinion, do it in a minute or less. Offer the conversation back to the otherswith a question. Go on only if you are invited to, and only for another minute or less. Dont get sucked into long monologs.
• What do you talk about? That takes some work. Pay attention to articles in popular magazines, TV newsmagazines, etc. They must interest readers and viewers, or advertisers wont pay. Pay attention to the things the others youre with are talking about. Contribute when you have a legitimate contribution to make. If you dont have a contribution and you are eager to charm the others, take the time to learn something relating to their interests. Then ask good questions the next time youre together.

Keeping the Others Speaking

Inviting others to speak and to keep speaking is also an art that takes skill and practice.

• Face the speaker dead on. Lean forward. Make eye contact. Let the other know youre with themuh-huh, I see what you mean, thats interesting, I didnt know that.
• Ask questions about things theyve mentioned. Try in this way to find common interests and agreement. When you find them, youll be able to ask better questions and your interest and enthusiasm will be real.
• Repeat the others last words or phrase in a questioning tone of voice. Thats all it takes sometimes to invite the other to elaborate, explain, embellish, and feel that youre really interested.